Zechxis Log #1 –
So I’ll be the first to be honest here – yes I’m pretty drunk, and yes, I got bored with 8-88’s datapad which is why I’m writing in this thing. You can only see so much intergalactic smut and play so much Star Suckers 68 till you’re bored with that. And as much as that wookie is pretty awesome, I won’t play games with him anymore. “Let the wookie win” they say? Well let’s just say I found that out the hard way, but that’s a story for later (unless some idiots want to hear about it, it could make a nice bar story). I’d play more queterra but doc, as nice as he is, told me to pipe it for a bit – he’s been doing a lot of surgeries lately.
So let’s see….what happened yesterday? Oh! Right! Well we landed on that ass of a rock they call an asteroid that Bando’ had landed on (Yes, I know it’s Bandin, but Bando sounds cooler…reminds me of another name I heard maybe…). After dealing with the punk in the flaming piece of shit he called a ship and blowing the surveillance bot to smithereens, we landed surprisingly easy. Like, they were literally surprised to see us. No idea what they were doing, but it looked like they were literally just chilling out lazy Sunday style.
They caught on pretty quick though. Just saw two at first – looked like a couple of regular johns. I took cover quick. Then I realized my cover was a bomb. Then I realized that taking cover by a bomb was a very bad idea, and I’ve had many of those. So I waltzed myself in as usual, and took cover. Before I could swing in on them though, the man himself, Bando was on me!
Now let me tell you something. I am not against any of our various intergalactic races. I’m all for inclusion and rights and other things like that. But Aqualish freak me the hell out. See, I hate spiders – they are simply hideous. A joke of parts made by a god. I think Aqualish look like them, but they have asses for mouths. I don’t even wanna know what else is going on with them under the clothes. So when I saw him, a hulking Aqualish who had the balls and talent to wield a proper vibroaxe (two hander!), I was impressed, terrified, and strangely turned on by the idea that kicking his ass for money would feel really good! I could tell he was better equipped and taught than his friends, but I definitely, definitely underestimated him! Not only was he blocking my strikes, but he had some muscle to him – damn near like a machine it felt at times! Then, his buddies start ganging up on me. I had two other guys – one trying to club me and the other trying to go for me with his fucking super blaster rifle. The clubber actually ended up hitting himself, so that was funny – I slit his throat enough to rip his head off in front of his boss ol’ Dobo. I threw the head at him, and stomped on his friend’s body for measure, but Dobo – man he had no heart. Not a tear, not a sigh, not a grab for the heart. He’s just that cold blooded, and that ain’t right. He then proceeded to kinda kick my ass a little – well, he hurt me. And the asshole (who I never got to kill sadly) with the rifle got me real good.
I wanna say that I don’t believe in relying on guns. Anyone can shoot a gun, though I admit not many can aim well. Still, fewer can wield truly righteous blades like yours truly. And it’s so much more satisfying and better! For one, you end up keeping in pretty good shape, as all that hacking and decapitating ends up working your muscles. With guns, you just plop down and pull a button. They have their purpose and in large number are pretty hard to argue with. But with something like a blade or a club, you really have a way to personally show your artistry of how much you hate a person. Unless you’re good enough of an aim to shoot through the eye, bullets are less personal and interesting. It’s like some boring human abstract art versus beautifully brushed strokes and lines. So when someone in the middle of a good clean up close and personal howdy do interrupts that with a fucking blaster – well by the fucking stars you can’t get me more pissed! I have the balls to run at you swords out from a mile away – the least you can do with a blaster is say “hello”!
Thankfully I had my teammates there. Doc did the first ever ride by stim injection to perk me up (He even gave me some nice drugs to make me a little tougher and make our pilot’s choice of ship music sound a little better). With resilience and stims, I outlasted him though, just like always. I got him good, but then Bando did something I didn’t expect – he became a total, utter bitch. He ran away from me and hid behind the definitely to-be-dead rifle guy. But our bounty buddy who brought the Wookie, Judge, finished him off. By that point we had Bodo surrounded. Horrifically, I realized that he was really close to the hunk of machinery that made us have nice things like oxygen and gravity were powered. I could’ve sworn he said something around the lines of “You won’t take me alive and I’ll take as many of you as I can with me – because I won’t just calm down and go to jail and eventually get out and be able to, you know, live again. Maybe start a nice family.” But even after some negotiations and pleas and love letters were sent, he to my surprise turned the gun up in his ass face and killed himself. What an ass.
Judge wasn’t happy. He blamed me for some reason. Look, first of all, he kinda jumped me, though I was totally going to hurt him at least a little before we took him away anyway. Figured it would have hurt the moral of his friends – ended the fight quicker. So I had to defend myself, and maybe that included going at him swinging with my two sharp friends. But also, he looked really pissed off. He was totally going to go apeshit on possibly the doc or 888, which I was and still am not ok with! Yeah, we sorta just met, but this is a good crew all in all! Definitely a change of pace from past gigs. I later learned that 888 nearly got blown up by rifle fuck, but he made it. He got in the hatch and found out a bunch of tech shit and info on our man, but I leave most of that stuff to the others. I like simple things – a night getting faded, walks on the beach with pretty ladies, gambling, racing in borrowed landspeeders, getting wasted at podraces and ruining family outings, a good argument, scaring the shit out of someone for information (or “coercion” as 888 calls it), lying (even if I’m not very good at it), sneaking around like a creep, and of course, cutting up your sworn enemies to ribbons in mind blowingly lecherous ways!
Though I worried about my mortality, the benefits of living included getting a slightly better blaster pistol (for when I definitely need a gun), and I found a ton of glitterstim! I almost tried some with the pilot, but the pilot, as usual, was all business while on the job (she seems like she used to party though). Judge wanted some as payment for the downgraded bounty reward on account of nothing to do with myself. Again, they worked it out, and credits will be rolling if I have the swords by me and life with me. We stopped by to see our original contractor (Gerry?), and C-Lo the Hutt. Apparently, we now work for him, which is alright I guess. I already made an extra 50 credits with him by betting on a fight – I bet on the fat Aqualish. Guess why? So we got more work on the way – that’s good! One of my blades got fucked up by Bando though (that’s bad), so I gotta sink some credits into that ASAP. But soon I’ll have money to burn! Whatever we all decide to do next exactly I’m game for – it’s the journey, not the destination. I’m not too old yet. I’m in no rush. Now, time to pass out and dream a little dream.